I’m a pretty private person, but am so saddened by this I thought maybe some fellow M4C members might have some advice. Wife is seriously mentally ill and won’t get help, so I had the family come in for Easter to have a family intervention to encourage her to get the help she so desperately needs. DISASTER! 6 days later she has cleaned out the bank accounts, gotten an evil divorce attorney and is demanding that I’m out of the house by Sat and am never to speak to her family again or she will file (false) spousal abuse charges and have my CCW revoked, guns confiscated and put me on a Domestic Violence watch list unless I do EXACTLY what she wants. She knows exactly how to get at me. The only councilor I managed to get her to see for a short time taught me that when she acts out to respond with, “I love you anyway, its the disease I hate and not you” and thats as tough on her as I have ever been. I want to protect myself, but I still want to help her. I’m a Christian and do not believe in divorce, but I guess its not going to be up to me. I feel so tired.
Oh and I’d like to thank Grant again for the Christmas gift as it was all I got and his Christian charity brought tears to my eyes! Thanks Grant!
Sorry about your troubles, document anything she does, threats etc. Find out your state law on recording phone calls etc with out the other parties notice (in many states this is highly illegal, but a few allow it) It sucks, but if theirs nothing you can at least protect yourself.
Sorry to hear that man. I’m also Christian and don’t believe in divorce, except in extreme cases, such as spousal abuse, adultery, etc. Are all of these threats and demands just the mental disease talking or is she just so upset that she’s socking it to you? I would do everything I could to protect myself (get yourself a good laywer), but at the same time I would continue to reach out to her - if you think it would help. It’s so hard to give advice when the exact details of your situation can be pivotal in how you should handle it.
Regardless, keep praying, hoping and stay strong in the Lord, brother. I’ll be praying for you and your wife.
Very sorry to hear about this. Eventually, there will be brighter days ahead and you will get through this.
I am at a loss for meaningful words. But, you need to immediatly do some research on finding a quality/experienced Divorce Att and retain him. Plan that she will go after your guns and strategize accordingly. Worst case scenario.
Actually, I think in most states one-party consent is acceptable. Be sure and check - but I’d keep a little pocket digital recorder in my pocket and when conversing with her if she threatens to make false accusations against you you’ll have some defense.
I know nothing about going thru a divorce, other than the fact that my parents went through it and it sucked. Dad got screwed. I would, as soon as possible, or right after you find yourself a divorce att, find a very trustworthy friend or family member to “sell” your weapons to. I don’t think they will be able confiscate what you do not own.
Im very sorry to hear that. My wife and I will be praying for you. Dont feel conflicted over your faith and your wifes decision. She is far from the light at the moment, and does not comprehend the depth of her decision.
1 Corinthians 7:15 (The Message)
15-16On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.
Sorry to hear about this. I am afraid I can’t help though. While I did go through a divorce, mine was very peaceful. Neither of us needed attorneys and We never had to get into it. Best of luck to you my friend.
Having seen my fair share of divorces go to shit, I will also recommend getting a good lawyer. Remember, one of the most expensive things you can ever buy is a cheap attorney.
Having just gone through this the entire last year I can only echo what the others have said. Get your lawyer now and move on their advice.
As much as you might want to ‘work it out’ and ‘be civil’ you need to protect yourself at all times now.
This isn’t to say you can’t be civil, but being the good guy now may cost you. Don’t think this out alone, don’t think you can be reasonable with her and it will help. Let the lawyer help guide your every move.
She’s acquired her legal representation, now it’s your turn.
You can only change Yourself. You Cannot change others. I tried to change my first wife, (and second) but when I realized I can only be accountable for myself, it changed my life and outlook on it.
Unless SHE WANTS help, there is NOTHING anyone can do.
Speaking from experience: GET A LAWYER, AND ASK AROUND AS TO WHO HAS USED A GOOD ONE FOR REFERENCES.
Comforting and helpful outside the courtroom, not admissable inside, in most courtrooms, if she doesn’t know she is being recorded.
Went through a rough one myself. . . though mine was a case of wife getting sex from a man with deeper pockets about 12 years my senior & refusing to quit when busted. They are still together . …
I will say, that I remarried and did much better the second time around. I now have two beautiful children and a woman who loves me like I have never been loved before in my life. In the first two months she knew me better than my first wife did in seven years. Sometimes these things have happy endings.
Remember, one of the most expensive things you can ever buy is a cheap attorney.
Truer words have seldom been spoken. Seriously, I got what I could afford & in the end, she walked away with 20% of the debt and 80% of the assets, I got 80% of the debt and 20% of the assets. . . it ruined me financially. It would have been cheaper to have gone into debt to pay a better lawyer. Bear in mind, she was the cheating spouse and (for that chapter of my life anyhow) I was a choirboy.
These things are ugly & the mental illness aspect makes them uglier. I am sorry you are going through this man. I will be praying.
I’m a fellow Believer and am going through a divorce myself. Wife had me served with divorce papers at what was supposed to be our first JOINT marriage therapy session.
To make matters worse, two weeks after being served divorce papers, our oldest son was diagnosed w/ a brain tumor. The tumor has since been removed, he’s been through radiation and is almost done with chemo. His MRI came back clear earlier this week. Decent prognosis of NEVER seeing a tumor again.
Like others have said, get a GOOD lawyer and document, document, document.
Let me share what my pastor (who had a similar experience) consistently told me during the rough times. While you may be in a dark place right now, God IS good. You WILL smile again. You WILL have good times again. He was right. In fact, many of my friends have told me that I seem happier now than I have been in YEARS.
Divorce SUCKS. It SUCKS even worse for my three kids (split custody at exactly 50/50 - one week w/ me, one week w/ her all year round). BUT, I’m a better man since the divorce. I’m a changed man, a much better father, and I’m GOING to be a great husband to wife #2 (who I may have discovered already ).
Best of luck to you my friend.
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