I need to vent and since I’m anonymous here what better place.
I took my mother to the ER today, she has cerebral edema, and I’m fucking terrified that it’s her cancer that’s back. It hurts worst than any physical pain, just the anxiety alone hurts worst than losing a father. I’m simply petrified with fear, I’d rather have some one beating the life out of me right now than feel this shit.
There’s just something about a mother, you feel it’s your duty to protect her no matter what and I’m fucking helpless and can’t do shit but be a waste of space. When I lost my dad as a kid it hurt but nothing like I feel right now, it hurt in the way that he was going to be around any longer, this shit hurts like I’ve failed… And I just feel like shit. All she’s done for me and I can’t do shit for her accept sit in the shower and cry.
Just had to vent… Sorry about all this, just don’t have any one I feel comfortable talking about this shit with.
Dude - I know and it sucks and you question eveything. #1 Be there for her. #2 its not all about you, but when necessary - share - friends, etc it helps…
Pretty private myself, and not really big on professing religion, but now might be the the time…For those who follow Christ, many good things can happen here. And what might seem bad, well, his ways are beyond ours.
As helpless as you may feel with respect to your mom’s medical situation, you are not helpless when it comes to her overall well being. Your being there for her and showing the obvious love and concern you have for her are more valuable then you can imagine.
You have someone to talk to–your mom. Let her know how concerned you are and how scared you are. Don’t fall into that trap of trying to be “Mr. Sunshine” all the time. As important as it is to be optimistic about the outcome, it’s also just as important to be genuine about what you are actually feeling. When folks are scared or anxious, as both you AND your mother probably are, sometimes it’s comforting to know someone else is feeling the same way.
Wherever this path leads you and your mother, I wish you safe passage.
The best thing you can give her right now, is to be there for her. Just being there by her side, will give her great pleasure. I have three kids of my own, 5 grandsons, and one granddaughter, and believe me, when having a tough time, it always gives me GREAT PLEASURE when my kids are just there with me and supportive.
There’s nothing like Family, including Gods Family.
Sir, my sincerest sympathies are with you and then some. Just pray for some type of guidance as you cry and perhaps it will come. While not overly religious, I have been blessed at such utterly dismal and hopeless times I assure you. And I also lack those who truly understand most of the time, so I feel your isolation there. They hear 5 minutes of your pain and are mentally off to their playground, few actually let it sink in.
Don’t regret your post. We are mature and caring folks here, no doubt. I have shared some my personal pain in this forum (and only this forum) over the past 3 years and regret very little, even if others don’t do the same. There is solace in understanding and support, some just won’t seek it. But we can still learn from the sufferings of others and then one day utilize this perspective when needed most.
Very best of luck to both of you. I will say a prayer.
Continue to cry in the shower as needed, don’t try to hold back.
Go to the range and concentrate on improving a specific aspect of your shooting, be it longer range, tighter groups, or quicker react time. This helps me when I get to the ‘point.’ You are forced to focus on something other than the day to day life of taking care of someone that is not doing well and creating wha if scenarios.
Friend, you and your mother are in my prayers. Like others have said, I never force religion on anyone… however, I am a Christian and I can honestly say that I have been through trying times and trusting in God and believing in His son has NEVER let me down. Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths- that’s proverbs, brah… and I assure you it’s true. Hang in there. We’re praying for you. Lots of love.
There is nothing you can do to change the outcome of this situation except be there for your Mom in this difficult time. She will appreciate it more then you can imagine and be strong when you are around her and do not make her feel worst.
I saw my Dad (MHRIP) pass ten years ago and I fell into pieces, I thought a tough guy like him was going to live forever, then my Mom (MSRIP) got Alzheimer’s and deteriorated right in front of my eyes and suffered for almost ten years and I could do nothing about it except be there for her until she passed away a few months ago and believe me while she understood what was happening she appreciated every minute of it even if I felt guilty for not being able to do more.
Stay strong my prayers are with your Mom and you and be the man she gave birth to.
I’m not a religious person, I’m agnostic and not ashamed to say it. But I prayed last night to any God’s that might have been listening and promised myself and any one listening that I’d return to church if she had a good outcome. Maybe, just maybe there is a God, because she came back with a rare medication reaction that the neurologist has only seen once in his career instead of the most common scenario that would have been a re-occurrence of the cancer. I’ll be attending church this week, I hope all you crazy a-holes are happy.
Hell a neurosurgeon had even discussed radiation and surgery options earlier today.
Take you kindly to everyone. I’m one grateful and ecstatic son right now.
Just wanted to let everyone know, I’d never be weak around my mother, it would be the worst thing I could do.
My families thoughts and prayers go out to you. When I lost my mother suddenly two years ago I had feelings of guilt that still last to this day. I suspect this may be related to some type of protective instinct we have.
We will pray for your Mom.
Don’t feel even the slightest bit bad about posting you concerns here, you are among like minded friends and have our support.
