So a man my wife works with is having some issues. I knew him only by name and face before she became a police officer. I am friends with his father who is retired military and owns a local shop.
This particular man was highly respected among his peers prior to about 2 months ago, when there was a dramatic change upon his return to work from a reserve deployment.
A little back story on how I know him, he was a master sergeant in another reserve unit that shared the same building with us, we shared some Iraq stories etc. He earned a commission and again deployed this time to Astan, where he was wounded in action. During his time on deployment and in recovery he was promoted in his civilian job to a supervisory position and it is in this manner that he returned to work.
So now that we have the back story here is the current situation. Its time for transfers, every single member of his team has put in for and received a transfer from under his command. Additional the man has begun to call his subordinates to strange locations to “loose his cool” on them, for what has only been described to me as routine stuff. Other supervisors are discussing him etc. He shows up at random times to what can only be described as “harass” his officers as they try to interact with the public and between themselves.
He has not done any of this to my wife, but has to her partners who are not under his command. There was a situation upon where he tried to remover her from acting in her job because of what she assumes was her sex, she did not allow it to happen and ignored his attempts to not allow her to enter a home in support of her partners. The next time she saw him, he screamed her name, so she reported to him, where he apparently thought for a minute at what he was about to say and maybe the fact that she was my wife and held his tongue, after a few moments she asked him if he wanted something, he said never mind.
All indications are he has completely lost control of himself. So now what do I do? Should I say something to his father, himself a combat vet? Should I say nothing and let him tear himself apart? I have been threw this myself and I know its not what my wife and her peers are thinking, that the power of a supervisory position has go to his head. He did not act like this as an NCO, officer or a patrol officer, it has to be combat and injury related. What would you do would you casually ask his father if he was doing OK, and when his father asked why your asking this lead into well I have heard some things is all… I don’t want his father to get mad at me or it to get back to my wife in some way.
If he just came back it may be premature to judge too harshly. But then again if your wife or her peers are seeing behavior of genuine concern, especially knowing him as they do, certainly they should say something if the problem persists to the extent that it’s harmful to both he and those around him.
Well just came back to work yes, but not state side or even home has been home for more than a year and just cleared to go back to work physically. The wife and others are very concerned to say the least!
From conversations with the wife in the past and only having my military experiences to compare, the police department sounds nothing at all like the military to me. If fact it sounds like a down right cluster fuck to me, but to her its normal. I don’t think they have any such program, or if they did that she or any other officer would use it. As it stands now she has two partners one who disappears for 8 hours from his assigned area and one who is always with her. There are a lot of parking lot sitters as well, it all sounds so messed up to me I don’t even want to hear about it most days.
Well then he is back to being a ranking public servant which unto itself carries a high degree of responsibility. If you think your wife is overreacting to an extent, as she may tend to do here and there (purely hypothetical) then wait it out. If you trust her judgement then I would encourage her to have him monitored at the very least.
Maybe he needs to get some mental help, lots of departments offer such a thing in an assistance program, maybe he should look into it.
Another aspect that sucks to consider but is sometimes the case, some people just suck at being supervisors. Especially in police work. They might be awesome on the street, great to work with, excellent all around, but when they get those stripes and/or bars, they literally become horrible people.
People like him should not be in the position that he is. He can return to it when he gets his demons under control, or be gone for good if he can’t. Since you know about his loss of self control, you must make others aware of it. If his department won’t get him off a position of responsibility while he seeks help, then it must get ugly.
The police MUST be held to a higher standard than most other occupations. It cannot be any other way.
A private conversation with the man’s father may be in order. If his father cannot help him in a low profile manner, he will draw attention from upper command and people he does not want involved will be involved.
I think you are in a tough position. Don’t wait too long to make a decision or the decision will be made for you. I lost two friends who had trouble dealing with the pressure of readjusting to civilian life after working outside CONUS. I would rather they were still above ground and pissed off at me right now.
Yep he’s going through some shit. I would talk to him first to see where he’s at and if he knows what is going on. If he won’t seek help on his own then a talk with his dad would be the next step. That is how I would prefer it if I was him.