For the many reasons discussed ad nauseam here, my wife and I moved out of Connecticut last year to her native home in the Philly area. In New England, there are no jobs, taxes are out of this world, the winter is cold and the people are colder, and the gun laws are infuriating (at least in MA and CT). Here, I got a job, lost it, and got a better one in less than a week, my wife is beginning to have success in her new career, we’re near family and thus, not strangers to the area, we have a great church, the people are nicer in general (except in Philly), and the gun laws are among the best in the country right now.
However, despite all the pros and very, very few cons I had from leaving New England, I still have a twinge of homesickness that hasn’t gone away. I lived in New England from age 2 to age 28. As many turnoffs as there are in New England, it has its good points and I’d learned to work through the bad points. The food (especially the seafood and New Haven pizza) is excellent there, I really didn’t mind the winters, and as cold as people could be, again, I was used to it, I had my friends who generally weren’t like that (to me at least). I have so many memories there, especially on the North Shore of Boston, where I went to college and met my wife. Whenever I’m in Beverly, Salem, Ipswich, etc, it’s like I just took a Xanex; I feel relaxed and blissful just by being there.
I have no intention of moving from this area I’m in now because I do love being here. After the North Shore, this is my favorite place in the U.S. But I still feel like a fish out of water and still in my community but not quite of it yet. I sometimes wish things were different in New England and I would never had had a reason to leave. For those of you who have moved away from the region in which you grew up, how long did it take you to really feel like you were part of your new community instead of a long term visitor? Or does that never go away?
Wife and I are originally from Ohio. We moved here to TN by choice 18 years ago. I was 30 then and will be 49 soon. Never looked back, never missed Ohio. The fact that it was by our choice obviously helped (i.e. we didn’t have to move). We have no family here; mostly in Ohio or Florida and scattered elsewhere. You could make the argument that our situation should have wracked us with homesickness but it never did.
Like you I miss the food where I’m from. Ohio has some awesome ethnic food and pizza you don’t find in the South. Sure, we miss family back there but never enough to even remotely consider moving back. After > 18 years when we visit, usually around holidays, it seems like a strange place.
I’ve had dreams we moved back, knowing I didn’t want to even in the dream, and I woke up going “WTF?!” It’s almost like a nightmare!
I know what you mean. In 1981, I moved from the Deep South(Mississippi) to Texas, and after 33 years, I still think of myself as a Mississippian who lives in Texas. I was born and raised in a unique culture, and when I moved, I found nice people with whom to work, play, and worship. But many things were different in subtle ways. Speech pattern, accent, and colloquialisms set me apart. What amused me didn’t always strike others as funny. The lay of the land was different. People were real picky about allowing others(associates/friends)access to farms and ranches. The food was different and not as good as back home. My church in Mississippi was founded in 1811, and dozens of my relatives rest there in the church’s graveyard. In my new home I didn’t know anybody in the cemetery and feared that I might die in this strange place and be buried along side people that I never heard of.
So for a long time I grieved for all those familiar things that gave me comfort in my ancestral home. I still miss the old place and enjoy visiting there. That’s the remedy. Visit, relax, be thankful, and return to your new home rejuvenated.
You’ll never forget CT, and that’s a good thing. Just remember that human memory has that curious function of retaining most of the positive memories from places and eventually flush the unused negative memories about places. Come back and visit, not only is it awesome, but it’ll also provide perspective on it too.
I’ll always have fond memories of my parents house where I lived as a child, my Grandparents house where I lived when I went to school, even my first crappy apartments when I got out on my own.
I never really considered the house where I’ve lived for 20 years now my real home. But my parents house is long sold and my grandparents house recently sold and it finally dawned on me “this is my home.” And that is mostly because it is where I live with my wife.
Every now and then when I’m on that side of town, I’ll drive past my childhood home and look at it a couple minutes enjoying the wonderful moments of nostalgia. The same for when I go home to Iowa I probably go past my grandparents home almost once a day. Those are places my memories live.
Been on mainland 8 years I totally am homesick for Maui every day
It’s everything. I knew smell tastes shortcuts in roads running into my friends at costco knowing who what where things going on etc…
But upsides kids have more options here as they grow older etc… Good diverse camping etc… Try to look at the pros but it’s tough to compare PHX to. Maui
For some reason, after reading the op’s question…I can hear that scene from JOE DIRT where the old redneck in overalls is telling Joe, in a very thick, hairlipped accent…“Home is where you make it”. Over & over. All Joe hears is “You like to see homo’s naked?! That aint helping me brother”. OMG it kills me everytime.
I moved houses, towns, and/or states every few years as a kid, with the longest stretch in one place about eight years, from 5th grade to 12th grade. In the twenty years since then, I’ve lived in four different states, seven cities, and I’ve lost count of how many apartment/houses. I followed my wife here six years ago and am only now starting to really like the place. We have great friends, good jobs, and the food/music/arts/culture, cost of living, and proximity to family is a good mix. However, there’s no place that is home to me, other than with my wife, as SteyrAUG said above.
I went from living 19 years in Honolulu, Hawaii to 3 years Altus, Oklahoma.
There aren’t many more extreme moves within the US, maybe Alaska to Death Valley is worse.
I’ve lived in many other states, but it took me maybe a year to figure out Altus? Once you settle into a routine and you get comfortable in your bed, it becomes home.
I’ve moved nine times since 1984, every time either military PCS or civilian job related (new/better job). Probably seven of those moves were after marriage. Home is wherever I am with my wife and child.
The place where I grew up is a distant memory that I haven’t been back to since I turned 18. I have no current desire to visit, let alone return permanently. And I doubt that will change as I grow older.
I grew up in Virginia, only a few miles outside of Washington, DC. In the 60’s/70’s we still had working farms and I went to school with kids who had farm chores to do before school. Now its all housing tracts and shopping centers. They’re tearing down the houses in my old neighborhood to build McMansions.
Moving back there would be as alien as any other place I’ve lived across this country.
I grew up moving a lot. My dad was in radio and we moved to where they needed him. As far NE as Connecticut. Down to Miami and most states in between. Out to Hawaii at one point as well. Averaged about 18 months. Longest was 3 years. Shortest was 9 months. Four elementary schools. Two middle schools. Three high schools. Once I left home, there was stability, but the itch to move has never gone away. It’s all temporary. Enjoy what’s in front of you while you’re there. You live where you live until you don’t live there any more.
Wife’s a military brat, I’m an oil company brat. After the both of us moving most of our lives, even after living in the same place for years now, owning our own home, having kids, pets, etc., it still doesn’t feel permanent. We still save good cardboard boxes for example. Just too ingrained in us.
I haven’t even moved that far in my life and I still feel like a long term visitor.
My wife and I talk about it all the time. I am from McKenzie TN (closest town anyway), moved from there to Clarksville TN after getting married and lived there for 7 years but it never felt like home then moved from there to Dyersburg TN and we are approaching 8 years here and it still doesn’t feel like home. My wife and I both consider it a waypoint on our way to finding “home”.
Home to me historically was always my parents home. I even referred to it like that when talking about it, I referred to where we were living as “our house” but I referred to my parents place as “home”.
But honestly since my Father’s passing in 2004 and my Mother’s recent passing in May of this year it really doesn’t feel like Home anymore either.
I’ll echo this. In the past 16 yrs I’ve lived in 10 different states/countries and with a few short years til retirement, I really have no idea where I want to end up and set down roots.
