Don’t want to hijack the other thread about the SC case. We’ve also done dumbest things heard at gunstores / gunshows, etc. Might as well also add “dumbest thing you’ve ever heard from a suspect.”
Having lived 30+ in South Florida I have personally seen:
That guy sold me fake crack.
That guy took my money but didn’t give me my crack.
I was breaking into car and that guy beat my ass. I was only stealing.
I pulled a knife on that guy and dude shot me. It was just a knife, he didn’t need to shoot me.
We shot at this house earlier and guys found us and shot at us.
I was driving and drinking and I hit that car, that car was parked in front of my house and that was the reason I hit it. I called the police because I want to have the owner of that car arrested for parking in front of my house. (and no the driveway wasn’t blocked, car was just on the street). If that car wasn’t there I’d have got into the driveway ok.
Why are you arresting me? It’s just a little crack…I ain’t dealing.
It was all those guys who threw bottles at your police car. I was just standing there. I ran because they ran.
I’m not drunk, I’m only drinking beer.
I put $2 in that coke machine and it didn’t work. Owner of the laundromat refused to give me my money back. (Swear to god, actual call to 911, was presented as somebody stole money from me).
Those are 10 off the top of my head. I’m sure someone can beat them.
Not personally seen, but I wish Lawdog were a member here, he has a classic about a Darwin Award who enjoys the dubious distinction of living to collect.
Guy called in home invasion, 4 armed dudes stole his weed. Guy was so pissed because he really thought we would simply get it back for him.
net arrest 5, “home owner” closet full of guns and 10 lbs of weed the others missed. “Bad guys” 20 lbs recovered and a gun each plus. nice pursuit. Of course all current felons and one stolen gun. And wait for it—
I interviewed / interrogated a guy using Reid who, post Miranda, gave a full written confession that he stole a guys car, tried to beat him to death with an aluminum baseball bat, then as he left saw the guy was moving so he tried to run him over to finish the job a second time. He ran the SUV off an embankment accidentally when the guy rolled out of the way.
For people familiar with the Reid technique, and I used the theme of he was deciding his mamas honor because the guy had insulted her (during a dope deal).
The call came out as a stuck vehicle / possible DUI.
We get there no signs of forced entry, walk around shop with the owner, nothing. I started hearing a faint sound, later realized someone was mumbling. Took a moment to find the barely visible bottoms of shoes hanging inside the exhaust vent over the grill. This clown removed the roof vent, tried to slide down and is now wedged in the vent and strattling the halon device. Of course we laughed the entire time the FD cut, chop, destroyed the roof and vent to pull him out. Somehow this guys story ends up in the paper and of course him winning about us laughing. He complained to the paper and not IA and in those days, Sgt asked me if we were laughing when inquiry came in and laughed when we said yes we did laugh the entire time. The guy was a dumbass, second arrest for the same thing.
Later-the one where I ran over somebody–going to fish
Fat stupid white college girl agreed to meet the suspect at night in an alley in an area known to be black and high crime so he could see how much of her weed he might want to buy. She described it as being really expensive good stuff, so he told her to bring her entire bulging gallon ziplock freezer bag full.
I explained that while his gun might have made it an armed robbery, her part of it also made it a narcotics transaction gone bad.
Older guy in his 60s owned a used medical devices store. He used to let his former employee turned stripper come to his house when she couldn’t afford weed, coke or meth because he was a “push over”. He stated he usually had some recreational narcotics on hand for medicinal purposes, and that if she had no money she could “work it off” with him both at his business or occasionally for sex. He wanted more sex, but she usually held out saying that she had a boyfriend.
Oddly enough, she also knew that he kept cash in the same spot as his dope, and the beating that he got when the boyfriend and associates did an invasion in his home and tied him up was pretty brutal. There was blood and broken items everywhere throughout the downstairs. He alluded to them having kicked the door in while she was giving him “relief”, which seemed like a large coincidence.
This guy just couldn’t believe that she had ratted him out or set him up. She had already texted him to say she was sorry, and that he shouldn’t call the cops, and that she needed some extra money so she wanted to work a couple shifts at the store.
It’s worse than that, public servant. Now get out there and protect and serve. You work for me, I pay taxes.
:sarcastic:
But it takes a village. You are a member of the village are you not? Why would you arrest my chillun’ when you could be helping them be knowing a better way? You just a mean ass popo.
The funniest: JTF (local PD, FBI, and DEA) got intel on a known deal that was going to be on X block at X time. I was a medic on the SWAT team, and although a certified LEO I was only certified and a LEO because I was the medic on the team. Anyhoo, we were going to ‘ambush’ at a given time, zero dark thirty, when he was going to be visiting his baby mama. We’re all snug in the panel van, los federales had the long eye on surveillance. We hear “go, go, go!” and bust out of that van, and we take down… an old lady who had her dog out to poop. Never did see or find said dealer.
The Oscar for the most planning and logistics that never was needed goes to a house raid for a high-risk warrant. Detectives from our PD obtained a warrant for a very bad dude and briefed the SWAT team leadership (I was always in the briefings so I could plan medical). We go back to brief the team, minus a couple guys who weren’t there, and whom we were going to “get caught up” enroute the next day when we execute the warrant with the detectives. We plan into the evening, have a PACE plan, back-ups, we look at house pictures, go over angles and cover (the guy had been known to shoot at cops). We meet at whatever time the next morning, go over to stage a block away or so. One of the guys who was not at the briefing asked, “so who is the guy we’re taking down?” We tell him. He says something like, “oh for crying out loud…” When we park, he gets out, takes off his kit, walks up to the door and knocks: “Hey, Bubba (or whatever his name was)… it’s Leon, your cousin. Get yo ass out here so we can take you to jail… you wanna get my mom to call your mom?” Ol’ Bubba walks to the door, turns around, allows Leon to cuff him, Leon puts him in the car.
My ex brought my Son home unexpectedly hours early on her visitation weekend one time. I was working on my front yard when She dropped him off.
To say his diaper was wet is an understatement, it was so soaked it was falling apart and the internals of the diaper were escaping when I held him.
I had the hose out so I sprayed her with the hose as She ran to her car. I followed continuously soaking her through the open car window as she pulled out the drive.
So a Deputy shows up 40 minutes later and I explained, showed him the diaper and I explained the situation.
He laughed his ass off and got back in his cruiser and cruised.
