My parents taught me many things when I was a child. As an adult I’ve tried to pass things along to my children, albeit I don’t think i’ve done as good of a job as my folks did. But as I’ve grown older and passed through various jobs, worked for various companies, and have had to go through the whole unemployment thing, three of those life lessons have gotten me thinking. And yes these three “lessons” actually pertain to the same thing. Individuality and the hipocracy of adults. The three phrases I’m speaking of are:
“Never judge a book by it’s cover”
“Never be a follower, be a leader”
“Always be yourself”
As adults we always (or should anyways) encourage individuality and creativity in our children. We don’t want them to “keep up with the jones’”. We never want them doing things just to “fit in”. Personally speaking I want my kids to be leaders, and not followers; in that I want them to lead their own lives.
We never want our children to “make the wrong decision” for thier lives; and in most every respect society defines “the wrong descisions”. We even go as far as to teach our children “the difference between right and wrong”. We teach that stealing, murdering, lying, cussing, and being hateful is wrong. But still we encourage our children to find their own sense of style and try to help them figure out who THEY are as an individual.
Some of our children grow up to be lawyers, some doctors, some go into retail, some go into manual labor. So here’s the twist. To get “a better job” in which you can provide a “nice/comfortable life” for our families we must CONFORM to ANOTHER’S style, and must alter our outward appearance and demeanors to suit “a professional lifestyle”. People that decide to peirce their ears, get tattoos, appearance altering implants, “wierd hairstyles” are told that it’s “unacceptable” and we tuck them away from society. They are not allowed to interact with society “on a professional level”. The companies that will actually hire them dictate that they change their appearance by removing their piercings, covering their tattoos, and change their hair styles. We tell each other that when we grow up “no one wants to see those things” and that we must wear a suit and tie, or at least "decent slacks, button down/collared shirt, and a tie. “big business” tends to put to much emphasis with “keeping up with the jones’”. Some people will even go as far as saying that if you don’t wear $600 suits, you dress like a slob.
So as a Parent I ask you; Why do we even bother? When our children grow up will they see us for the hypocrites that we are?
Who said that you must teach your child those silly cliches. Any lesson or saying that contains the words “never” or “always” has very little practical use in the modern world. Filling your child’s head full of that crap is doing them a real disservice.
FWIW, I’m a big fan of aggressive tats and piercings. They give me fair warning…
This is something that I have heard before and I personally feel is incorrect.
To me, as a 39 year old professional, outward displays of “individuality” that buck social norms are a sign of lack of self control or a sign of anti-social behavior.
Just like a person doesn’t go around slapping other people in the face, social norms have developed over time as a demonstration of adherence to societies rules and regulations.
A person who is not willing to adhere to something as simple as “normal” grooming habits of that society, will also probably not work well in an environment where they have to adhere to work place rules and cultural practices either.
Individuality and being a leader instead of a follower is a GREAT thing. However, in my opinion, it is much better demonstrated than displayed.
I would much rather have an employee that demonstrates their creativity and individuality by taking leadership on a project and developing an innovative and unique solution to a problem than trying to display their “creative individuality” it by doing what all the other “creative individualists” do.
How many of those “creative individualists” are known for what they do vs how weird they look?
I find, with most people, that I will know who they are by how they act and what they do rather than what “label” they try to wear on their sleeve. (This goes for work/relationship/religion/etc)
Any lesson involving “letting your freak flag fly” should also include the caveat “decisions and personal choices have consequences.”
Let’s face it. Almost all of us were taught all manner of things which presumed life was fair and everyone played by the same rules. Then we grew up and, alas and alack, we discovered that life is not fair and people often do not do as they say.
I think kids should be taught to preserve their individuality and have the courage of their convictions. But they need to appreciate the possible impact of their actions. Getting facial tats or getting arrested at a political rally or protest may seem like a great idea at 18 or 22. But those choices may bite ya in the ass later. The sooner a young person figures that out, the better off they’ll be.
So what your saying is that if a person that shows up 15 minutes early to an interview, has great referals from past employers in terms of work ethic and attendance, has a great shot at getting hired… until you see that they have a beard, or is well groomed but has 8 gauge earrings bilaterally, or is well groomed but has a mohawk, or is dressed nicely but has sleeves and peircings?
see here’s the thing, and this is just my opinion. People that get tats, peircings, mohawks, whatever don’t label themselves. YOU label them. and when I say you, i mean each individual that labels them.
As a non-christian, decent human being >I< am willing to give EVERYONE a chance, regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or APPEARANCE.
It’s just like what happened back in the 50s and 60s. Coloreds weren’t allowed to hold certain jobs, eat at the same establishments as whites, etc; look at how wrong “society” was back then.
Then in the 80s and early 90s; homosexual discrimination was very prominent.
The early 2000s through today; no one will hire Muslims.
Every time there is any type of discrimination (to judge one by their outward appearance) it’s usually out of ignorance and fear.
and who’s fault is that? EVERYONE’s. If more people would start thinking about the things they do and say, the better off we would be.
my partner and I were talking about this today. One of the things that was brought up was “Everyone tries to be perfect.” my caveat to that was “Perfect by who’s standards?”
let’s look at this another way. Let’s look at the young lawyer just out of law school. Let’s say that the lawyer’s parents didn’t pay his way, he’s had to work two jobs and go to school. This young prodigy is going to have tuition that he’s going to have to pay off. He won’t be able to spend $1000 on a suit, but he has to wear one to go to interviews and if he’s lucky, to court. So he goes out to walmart and buys a $100 suit.
will he be judged by whatever law firm he goes to apply at?
now add on the fact that this young person has decided to grow out a beard. Will that further affect his chances at getting hired?
Should it?
What about a single ear peircing? or bilateral piercings? Why should that affect his chances?
are you even willing to look at his transcripts at this point?
He maintained a 3.95 GPA throughout his college career. He’s held two jobs and gone to school. He’s never called out from his jobs, and he’s always on time.
There is a subtle difference between someone who alters their appearance with piercings / tats and being born black. Here is a hint - one involves behavior.
The ability to form rational judgements, at all, is because we have a rational mind. It seems a curious decision to simply discard that great gift for a rather silly platitude. Sometimes, very often in fact, the cover tells you either everything about the book itself, or at the very least all you need to know before forming a rational judgement in order to formulate a course of action. Will your rational mind sometimes get it wrong? Sure. But that is how we learn. And unless someone is a complete and utter idiot, one will get it wrong far less times than the person who simply abandons forming rational judgements based on sensory data and previous experience in deference to life by platitude.
In other words, never ever have the humility and self-awareness to know when another is simply better suited to a task.
What if “yourself” is Adolf Hitler?
And where exactly does the “hypocrisy” of adults reveal itself?
Oh, now I see. So if you were an upper class black man and there was a knock on your door, and when you opened it the Grand Poobah of the KKK was there in full white sheet and had “sleeves” depicting black children being lynched on one arm and burning crosses on the other, and said “Hi, I’m here to take your daughter to a clam bake,” you would simply give your little girl a peck on the head and say “you kids have fun!”.
I would say that your scenario is likely a fantasy that would never happen. Possibly from a self fulfulling prophecy because they would be unlikely to get a professional job to start with if they looked like that.
If I started every single conversation with a member of the opposite sex by commenting on their breasts, I probably wouldn’t get far in life. Even though, that is most likely the first thing that every hetero male notices when meeting a woman. Women even know that you are looking at their boobs, but the societal norm is that you don’t immediately start talking about them. Dressing “professionally” and no visible body modifications are part of the same social construct. Take me an put me into a Mursi tribe in Africa and I would stand out like a sore thumb and likely be made fun of because I don’t have a lip plate because that is what is considered normal in that society.
By choosing to ignore/devalue part of the social construct (appearance) they are choosing to call out their non-conformance to societal norms. Which honestly makes most people question their commitment to other societal norms.
I can guarantee that if I applied to work in a Tatoo/piercings shop that I probably wouldn’t get the job because I don’t “look the part”.
Would you feel comfortable going to a doctor who looked and smelled like a street bum? What about have surgery done by someone who looked like a stoner? If you are walking down the street and a guy comes up and asks if he can use your phone to call for help are you more likely to be on your guard around a guy dressed professionally in a polo shirt and khaki pants or a guy who is dress like a MS-13 member with what looks like prison tats all over his face/neck?
Personally I think equating tattoos and body piercings (all things that are completely voluntary) is somewhat different that the gender or race a person is born with.
A person makes choices and must live by those choices.
If I were doing an interview with somone for a job and I was looking for someone to work for me, if they came into an interview with tatoos all over their face, nose rings, mohawk, huge loops in their ears, dreadlock, lack of hygiene, I would immediately suspect that said person had a problem with authority and wouldn’t take direction well. That said person would constantly be harping about how they were being discriminated against because of <blank> and would not be likely to fit into the work culture simply because that person chose to physically demonstrate their disdain for societal norms. (A good work ethic being one of those norms)
so what your saying is that you never know that your wrong about someone because your rational mind tells you to avoid them, therefore you have no interaction on which to realize your mistake?
maybe it’s because they do have a problem with “societal norms”. I do. And that’s soley based on my opinion that people shouldn’t be judged soley on how they look. Lack of hygienen and body modification are two totally different things.
Would you feel comfortable going to a doctor who looked and smelled like a street bum? What about have surgery done by someone who looked like a stoner? If you are walking down the street and a guy comes up and asks if he can use your phone to call for help are you more likely to be on your guard around a guy dressed professionally in a polo shirt and khaki pants or a guy who is dress like a MS-13 member with what looks like prison tats all over his face/neck?
what if that doctor was the nation’s best brain surgeon? are you willing to take that risk based soley upon what they look like?
Personally I think equating tattoos and body piercings (all things that are completely voluntary) is somewhat different that the gender or race a person is born with.
A person makes choices and must live by those choices.
why should they be made to suffer “professionally” because of how they look?
If I were doing an interview with somone for a job and I was looking for someone to work for me, if they came into an interview with tatoos all over their face, nose rings, mohawk, huge loops in their ears, dreadlock, lack of hygiene, I would immediately suspect that said person had a problem with authority and wouldn’t take direction well. That said person would constantly be harping about how they were being discriminated against because of <blank> and would not be likely to fit into the work culture simply because that person chose to physically demonstrate their disdain for societal norms. (A good work ethic being one of those norms)
this last paragraph. what are you basing this on? have HONESTLY ever employed someone with these “issues” that did not perform for you?
Good hygiene is an expected societal norm, even if you want to pretend it isn’t. So what you are saying is that if a person has a problem with the societal norm of regular bathing and does not wash or in any way groom himself for several years, you would only be all too happy to hire him to work at your front desk greeting and dealing with customers.
what if that doctor was the nation’s best brain surgeon? are you willing to take that risk based soley upon what they look like?
You missed your the turnoff for Neverland. :rolleyes:
why should they be made to suffer “professionally” because of how they look?
Well, if they feel entitled to make others suffer by how they look, it would seem only fair.
again. your confusing hygiene (regular bathing, washing, etc) with body modification and having facial hair. A person does not have to be “dirty” just because he/she has tats/piercings/implants/beards. (and just for the record i think implants are pretty fucking extreme, but i refuse to discriminate upon people that have them).
You missed your the turnoff for Neverland. :rolleyes:
quite a few times, but that’s not the issue here. I know a couple of ER docs that look like they just crawled out of a bottle pretty much every night that i’ve seen them. and IMO… they are the only docs I would want to go to. Why? because i’ve given them a chance, gotten to know them, and seen/assisted them in action. I also knew an anesthesiologist that smoked on a regular basis and looked the part. He was the best one in town until he retired. And he worked for one of the top hospitals in the state.
Well, if they feel entitled to make others suffer by how they look, it would seem only fair.
Please explain. How does anyone else suffer from another person’s outward appearance?
I remember being taught the first one, but not the other two. I think it was always understood that there were many times to follow or conform to the requirements of the situation. And this coming from product-of-the-1960’s parents.
As for the book/cover, while I was taught that, I did learn through experience it was inaccurate much of the time. I’ve distilled it to something like “the book is not always the same as its cover indicates; but it frequently is.”
I think you’re talking in extremes. I certainly encourage creativity and individuality, but not to the point of harm or conflict. I don’t know if you got worked up on this from an argument with wifey or a dumb story on the talk radio*, but I would just sit back and chill. No need to run towards the extremes of this concept. (*I say this based on the kinds of things that would get me worked up on something like this.)
