People We Should Be Allowed To Hit With A Stick...

General General Discussion
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  1. The Express Lane Person Who Can’t Count - As long as I have been alive it has been 10 items or less. It was made long ago for the person with a handful of things so they don’t get stuck behind those who are shopping for the week. But that doesn’t seem to stop some people from getting in that line with 21 items because all the other registers have long lines.

All of us are busy and have shit to do, some of us are even on meal breaks and only have 30 minutes to get our shit, eat it and be back to work. This means we don’t have time to fuck around behind you, and the fact that you are “in a hurry” doesn’t excuse your 21 fucking items in the express lane. Sometimes we can get away from your ass and get rung up at the customer service counter, but we shouldn’t have to. That is a place for people to get money orders, buy cigarettes and waste money on lottery tickets.

Don’t tell us that they are all little items, it takes just as long to ring up 21 little items as it does 21 big items, it isn’t a size issue, it is the fact that you have 21 items. Even 11 is unacceptable, 21 means you are an asshole. Also don’t try and tell us 7 are yours and the other 7 items belong to your two kids, you have 21 fucking items, get the fuck OUT of the express lane.

Also don’t try and act like you miscounted, you pull this shit when people are STARING at you because you have 21 fucking items and you mime a person counting as if they have a hard time figuring out what they have. I guarantee if you were due 21 dollars in change and you got back 10 dollars you’d be able to not only count but add and subtract numbers. Also don’t act like you don’t know English well enough to read the sign, you fucking know what it says and if you don’t you shouldn’t be in this country fucking it up for everyone else.

It should be legal to hit you with a fucking stick, every person in line should be able to hit you once for every item over 10 that you have. And if it was legal, everyone would know how to count to fucking 10.

  1. The Loud Stereo Guy - Everyone likes music, music makes life more enjoyable. But you shouldn’t have to listen to my music and I shouldn’t have to listen to yours. I don’t care if it is your home stereo, car stereo or boom box. If it is so loud that other people are forced to listen to it in their car or home you should be hit with a fucking stick. If you live in an apartment with thin walls, that means your ass is so poor that you cannot afford to play your music too fucking loud. Get a real job buy a house with lots of land in the middle of nowhere and have your own fucking concert with giant fucking Marshall stacks or Cerwin Vegas. You worked hard, you’ve earned it - go crazy until your ears bleed.

But if you don’t have the ability to play your shit that loud without intruding on your neighbors you needs some quality headphones or you need to accept the fact that just like I can’t have a bonfire in my yard so close to your house that it burns down you are not allowed to play your music so loud that I am listening to it inside my fucking house.

And just because we are “in traffic” doesn’t give you the right to blast your shit so loud that you are shaking all the cars in a 100 foot radius. I hope that one day you are playing your music so loud that nobody can hear the ambulance stuck in traffic behind you that is on it’s way to your mothers house because she just had a fucking heart attack and is dying. Or even better a fire truck that is on it’s way to your house because some dickhead decided he could have a bonfire “big as I want cause it’s on my yard” and your house is now on fire and all your shit burns up and you have to live in your fucking SUV with your obnoxiously loud stereo system.

It should be legal to hit you with a stick. When the music is finally turned down enough that we actually HEAR you saying “Hey stop hitting me” we will stop. But right now all we hear is your crappy fucking music and we can’t understand what you are saying. It should also be legal to throw a CS grenade into your fucking SUV when you are pulling this crap in traffic, we are busy and don’t have time to stop and hit you with a stick, we also don’t want to hold up traffic.

  1. The Cell Phone Asshole - Just because the technology exists doesn’t mean you have a right to be on a fucking phone any time you choose. For example if you are on the Interstate during rush hour and going 65+ mph you should NOT be making any non emergency phone call. Putting everyone else on the road at risk because you want to set up a booty call or order a pizza is not justified. You can barely drive safely when you aren’t on the phone - fucking hang up and drive. If a call is that fucking important, pull over and stop then make your call.

If you make or receive a phone call in a movie theater every patron should be allowed to hit you with a stick until you manage to shut off your fucking phone. Also if you are in the grocery store, if you MUST make a phone call to find out if you need milk or not use your INSIDE FUCKING VOICE.

And finally when walking down a residential street at 2 am, just because you are on your phone doesn’t make it acceptable for you to be as loud and obnoxious as if you were with your friends in person at one of your asshole parties. Walking down the street yelling and laughing on the phone at inappropriate hours should entitle everyone to come outside with their idiot stick and hit you once for every 10 minute interval since 10pm local time.

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I think someone had a bad day.

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4). People who don’t understand how parking lots work.

When heading to or from their cars, these people don’t hang to the sides, against the parked cars, but walk casually in the middle so that no cars can make it down that row. It should be legal to run into these people, not to kill them, but maybe to sprain an ankle. Stay off to the side you inconsiderate dump. Was the revving engine behind you not enough of a hint? What’s even worse is that you’re a morbidly obese heffer, and I have to watch you waddle to the entrance with your fat little stump-legs that don’t bend.

Then there’s the folks who don’t give a fuck if they’ve parked awfully. They know. They know they should get back in the car and straighten out, but they don’t. And now if someone else needs the space next to them, either risk getting scraped or find a different spot. Luckily, there are stickers you can order in bulk and keep in your glove box that say sarcastic things about their parking. I’d stick one right over the drivers’ door crack, sealing it shut, so they MUST read it before cutting/pealing it off.

Parking lots are one of, if not the most, easy man-made systems to use and understand. And it speaks volumes about a persons IQ if they can’t seem to grasp it.

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And people who toss their cigarette butts out the car window. Or any garbage, for that matter. With all the fires we’ve had this year, that shit makes me see fucking red.

Or pigs that decide to just empty their vehicle ashtray in the parking lot, leaving a sodden pile of discarded butts for somebody else to pick up.

Litterbugs is too kind a label for these vermin. They should be boiled in their own urine.

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6.) Motherfuckers who try to sell me burned CDs in parking lots. You’re taking money away from my favorite artists. If I want music illegally I’m not going to pay for it at all. Much less fund your crack habit. Stop peddling poor quality Metallica CDs. Plus… they suck.

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You haven’t truly learned to hate another human until you’ve seen a discarded diaper in a Wal Mart parking lot.

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You forgot people driving the wrong way down an angled parking lot, thus preventing you from going forward and them expecting you to get out of “their” way.

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I hate those bastards. Same with people who try their best to run you over while you’re using a crosswalk (them turning right on a red light) when you obviously have the right of way. (Especially if you’re crossing from the opposite side of the street, and you’re stuck in the middle of the street while they or multiple people make their turn. Slower than shit most of the time.)

There is nowhere in the world that is important enough for you to kill me trying to get there.

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4). People who don’t understand how parking lots work.
I’m the nicest boss on the planet, but this one kills me. My employees park in an area that doesn’t have marked spaces. It kills me that they park so there is 6’ between every car and leave nothing for my overflow parking. More than once I’ve made them all go outside and “tighten their shit up”.

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You guys have some bizarre shit going on in Oregon. I’ve lived in West Palm Beach, Miami, Raleigh, and Northern California…never have I been peddled burned CDs in a parking lot. :smiley:

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Oh pu-lease
You haven’t learned to abhor other humans until you’ve had to dodge multiple used condoms on the beach parking lot (and watched one of your relatives obliviously step all over them. :bad:), or had to remove the use tampon that someone had the pure christian charity to fling against your winshield with enough velocity that it gets tangled in the wiper blades. ALSO at a beach parking lot.

I should stop going to beaches…

:laugh:
That was priceless.
I’ve run across SO many of these sort of folk.

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would never do this on the mainland might get shot !
but on Maui when I used to see stupid tourists throw a cig butt out in Lahaina usually at intersection or if they were in town (slow slow traffic) I would if I could grab it then come up say you dropped this and flick it in the back seat :wink:

funny to watch them freak out and dive into the back seat !

if its tourist season how come we cant shoot them ?

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Basically anyone who does not adhere to the rudimentary tenets of common courtesy.

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LMFAO. THAT’S FUCKING AWESOME. Because it happened to you… not me… however… it’s pretty funny that it happened at all…

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LoL

iPhone/Tapatalk

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Regrettably, I have borne witness to this particular abomination but was hopeful that it was merely an aberration. Alas, your response (and several following) would indicate that these incidents are more commonplace than I care to acknowledge.

:bad:

The more people I meet, the better I like my dogs (and cat, for that matter).

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^ This. About the only thing worse than that, are those who chew tobacco, Or use dip…They are probably some of the most inconsiderate fuckers on the planet…They’ll spit their shit all over the place leave their "spit cups"laying wherever they left them…Chew or dip is a vile, disgusting habit…I work in construction, and I’d say about 60%(or more) of the people on a given job are what I call “spitters”. Anymore, if given the choice, I’d like to work with someone who dosen’t smoke,dip. or chew. But seeing how that dosen’t happen very often, I’d rather work with a smoker…

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Sorry, multiple post, having trouble with the “Gateway time outs”

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Sorry, multiple post

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People that do not know how to merge into traffic should be hit with a stick.

People that use the left lane or the middle lane as a travel lane should be beaten with a stick. The far right lane is a travel lane, the left lanes are for overtaking and not for slow-moving traffic.

bc