So my house is a nightmare. Mom was over today and about broke out in tears and wishes I would have some fun once in a while. Well, we got to talking and I spilled the beans about having an auditory processing disorder and the likely hood of me ever having friends was about zero.
She wants the best for me, but I continually fail. I don’t care but seeing her hurt because of my circumstances absolutely crushes me.
Truth be told, I wish I had never been born. Suicide is 100% wrong. I don’t know why. I didn’t ask to be brought into this world. It ****ing kills me seeing my mom unhappy because I’ve my shortcomings which I work so hard to address. It ****ing kills me even more because she wants to blame herself.
I end this post with this: **** the medical system. The medical system tired pushing me adderall as a kid. Turns out it’s not adhd, it’s an auditory processing disorder that mimics the symptoms of adhd. There would have been a slight hope to outgrow this if doctors considered it.
Your situation is not hopeless. The problem is hopefully identified correctly now. You can pursue therapy to treat it and hopefully greatly improve your ability to communicate and understand communication from others.
That’s not 100% true. While it can be much harder to treat, there are treatments and new info, programs and tools are developed on the adult side of APD every year.
There are brain training programs that take advantage of the plasticity of the brain to improve processing skills- at any age.
If you feel it is hopeless, it is, if you have hope it isn’t hopeless.
I’m not gonna tell you to focus on the positives in life or give a big speech on what’s worth living for, or tell you that there are people worse off- usually depressed people hate hearing that shit and none of it really matters anyways.
All I will say is that the world is what you make it. Embrace the suck or do something to change it for the better- it’s up to YOU.
There is help out there if you want it. There are programs that you may benefit from if you put the time and effort in.
Have you tried reaching out to multiple audiologists?
Each of us, no matter the storm or dark days, have something positive that we open our eyes for every morning. Find that, latch on to it, and keep driving on. One more step, one more bite, one more fight.
I grew up in A Nightmare on Elm Street with twice the violence. I carry physical scars because of that and I carried (past tense) emotional scars up until mid-2019.
You’re a good person to care so deeply about your mom’s feelings. That’s more than so many people who only care about themselves.
Don’t forget Sunday is Mother’s Day.
Given the frequency of these posts and the nature of this one, it’s time to stop discussing it on the internet and get professional help. This is not a shot, this is not an insult, this is not a judgement.
You don’t seem capable of managing your situation, the most important thing you can do is get help and I mean this week.
You made it this far in life, and now it’s a problem?
I will tell you something. Whatever it is you think you want in life will not make you happy once you get it. All you would be doing is “proving a point” to people who are ultimately indifferent.
If it’s women, I can tell you that most people don’t have good male/female relationships these days because women want to be like men and men want to be like boys.
If it’s money, the impending hyperinflation will make whatever headway you get null and void.
If you hate your job, take up welding
I mean, I will deign to assume you are 25-30. Every man goes through an identity crisis of sorts. Everybody thinks they should be doing XYZ, but let me say this…
Once you hit your forties, you seriously stop caring about dick size, money, what women think, what your enemies think, blah blah blah.
You wake up one day and in your mind you feel the same but then you are middle aged and closer to death. And even if death don’t bother you…it’s closer and closer and closer each day.
So see a shrink, take a pill, rent a hooker, and count your blessings.
You’re not on the streets turning tricks for some black guy named Ronald Gene the Sex Machine and you’re paralyzed or an amputee.
Don’t poopoo talking to a counselor. It’s not some headshrinking, new age-y, woke bullshit for cowards and hipsters. It can work. It’s no magic pill, it’s take awhile, and you’ll need to work at it, but it works. Look for someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy.
You could benefit from some kind of group therapy too; it will help you feel less isolated.
Also, I strongly suggest getting on some antidepressants. People scream and gnash their teeth when you say “SSRI” because they’re an alternative scapegoat to mass shootings, but that’s all bullshit. You could benefit from being something like Zoloft, Luvox, or Lexapro for some time.
I have 4 kids with Autism - they amaze me every day with their abilities. Being able to live on their own, in their own house, though? That’s NOT one of them. You’re already so MUCH further ahead in life than you realize.
Don’t be a f***** quitter. Don’t say you give up. You are in a stage of emotional grief over something you think you can’t control, you are not done. You call yourself a failure, well me too. I’ve got lungs of a 55 year old smoker at the age of 35, my hearing is gone, I’m going to need knee replacements in the next 10 years, I’m over weight and i’m going bald. I grew up without a dad, my mom was never around I’ve failed at college, I failed at boot camp, I failed in what was at the time the most meaningful relationship of my life and yet here I am. I graduated from college, I was meritoriously promoted in boot camp, and I’ve been married for over 10 years, I’m back in the gym with a trainer killing it. I failed, I’m going to fail again, but the ultimate failure is not learning from my mistakes, and realizing that I am my own worst enemy and also my biggest champion.
Stop trying to blame your issues on something larger than yourself, because ultimately you are the one making it a problem.
Here is the good news, people are here to help. You need to realize that if you ask for it, people will step up to help, but you need to be ready to accept it.
when I was 14 my parents had a sit down that concluded with it ain’t us sunshine it’s you then booted me to the curb, only took me another 14 years to conclude that they were right. welcome to adulthood it sucks, time to put your man pants on and grind some wine off your nose to go with the cheese off life. my place is a pit as well, the adults in my life are dying, down to my last aunt, just had shoulder surgery and barely escaped ending up in a nursing home post surgery due to adverse reaction to anaesthesia. there is always some one who has it legitimately worse than you or I. I was blessed with a nursing team that pulled together and made the sacrifice to rub my chest to keep me breathing, also blessed by an anesthesiologist who helped secure me a cpap so I could recover at home. your blessed by still having a mom who cares. took care of my mother for a year and she was occasionally my mama, other times a mean nasty bitch that I cared for. sitting and crying don’t pay the bills and yes posting your woes upon the forum is a indicator that you to speak face to face with a professional. there are definitely a large quantity of adults on this forum across the age spectrum but they aren’t equipped to take you the next step. I advise clean your place in parcels instead of all at once, if you have the coin take your mom to breakfast at least once a week at worst twice a month enjoy her company as I did when my mama was present
Go seek help from a professional mental health doctor. None of us on here can help you beyond offering mostly empty words and stories about our own kids and selves that are mostly irrelevant to you and your situation.
I was pretty damn happy once I finally bagged that neighbor lady I had that was a stripper back in the day at the apartments. Even more happy after she started coming over more ‘regularly’…
To this day I still get a big ass smile thinking about how when she would come over unexpectedly and find I had my mud-duck girlfriend there already she would ask to borrow a cup of sugar or some eggs and then take her ass back to her place (until mud-duck girl left).
Hopefully this doesn’t come off as dickish, because it’s not meant to be, but I believe we’re all dealt a hand of cards when we’re born. Some folks get great hands, some get the worst hands. You have 2 choices. Do you stare at your bad hand of cards, curse them, and feel sorry for yourself? Or do you decide to play that hand and try your best to win with it?
You make these threads quite often on here and take none of the advice ever given to you. You need professional help, immediately, not a forum. Please, seek it.
Yup…caring what people think more than what is good for you will f*ck you almost every time. If people care for you, they would want what is best for you and vice versa. You do you…get a grip on things…smile and laugh a little…then think of others. You cannot truly love others in a healthy way without first loving yourself…and that is seriously lacking right now.
Why do I need help? 30+ years of the worse bullying you can imagine, various other issues, but I keep slugging along without a shrink. Let me just put it this way: modern medicine is killing society and I’m not going to sees gotdamn liberal ass shrink. The medical system can suck my dick.
