Everyone has done it.
It’s crass, inexcusable and socially awkward, but sometimes, lack of sleep, frustration or an adult beverage makes it just kind of explode.
We were the incoming unit and the barracks had sat empty for the entirety of Desert Storm. The barracks were on the far West end of Battalion Ave on Ft Hood.
The E-8 with the property book was a sincere guy and obviously he must have had something going on for him, but it wasn’t his ability to communicate. The poor guy had a horrific stutter, like every third word was like, La-la-la-la Latrine ! Wa-wa-washing machine.
We had been out in the field for a week, we were coming back in and we needed barracks and someone at Division gave Porky Pig the property book?
Now something about not sleeping combined with standing there with another 1Sgt and the CSM all smelly and unshaven just hit me as really ridiculous.
Now were on the Third floor and the guy opens a door and there were Bats, not a few either like 50 all living in this destroyed room. Covered in guano and smelling like the inner rings of hades, we now have crazy bats now flying all around us. The guy lets out a scream and slams the door shut keeping about thirty of the little flying rats inside the room.
The Stuttering Master Sergeant beat a hasty retreat to find new barracks.
I looked over at the Sergeant Major and said "Ba ba ba ba ba ba Batman !
Many times, often to the detriment of my career. Once when I was still in the Army, my squad leader was called out in front of the Battalion formation and was awarded his GED. (I wasn’t any better, I got my GED in AIT but I still got a good laugh out of it. It was the beginning of the “Modern Volunteer Army”. Not too long after that I was no longer required to attend Battalion formations and I ETSed a few months later.)
I’m widely known for having a very dry, odd sense of humor that pops up at inappropriate times. I could go on & on with these kinds of stories.
My Mom has dementia. Prior to that, she never used profanity at all, and was always a very polite person. As the dementia set in, she started cussing, and sometimes saying the most awful things.
A few years ago, my brother & I took her to a doctors appointment. The doctor had seen enough that he decided that Mom shouldn’t be driving anymore, and told her that he was going to have her driving privileges removed. She became very mad. The doctor stepped out of the room, and so did my brother. The doctor came back in, and Mom argued with him about not being allowed to drive. At one point the doctor said that he didn’t think it was safe for her to drive, and Mom said to him, “Well I think you’re an asshole!” I couldn’t stop laughing. I apologized repeatedly, while still laughing uncontrollably, to the doctor. My brother came back in the room, saw me laughing, and asked, “What’s so funny?” I kept my hands over my face, laughing still, and told him, “I’ll tell you later.” I laughed all the way home in the truck, too.
<—military, EMS, ED RN. I had mando pysch evals because of times I expressed humor (or response to) inappropriately. Funerals, in class and meetings, weddings…
The older I get the better I am at keeping it in, but I still think it just the same.
I ran cross country in high school and I went to a week long running camp in the summer with my team. One afternoon, one of the camp coaches was giving us a slide show of various running experiences he had and friends he ran with. Almost every slide was accompanied by a funny and/or crazy story, and we were all laughing at the various antics he told us the guys in the pictures and him got into. Then he comes to a slide and said “This is Travis [last name]” and clinched his jaw and began shaking his head. Given the nature of all the stories he had just told and the general mood of the presentation, I took his body language to mean, “This guy is the craziest motherf**ker I know and you guys are gonna flip when I tell you some of the shit he’s pulled,” so I started chuckling audibly.
AAAAAAAND you probably know where this is going. The guy wasn’t marveling at Travis’ antics; he was barely holding it together, because he then started crying and managed to croak out “Travis passed away suddenly last month. He was the best man I’ve ever known.” Boy did I look like, and feel like, a worthless sack of dog shit. I didn’t know, and obviously wouldn’t have laughed if I did. But that was still a terrible moment to laugh, even innocently.
My Wife was very shy, very conservative in dress and composure.
We went to a very exclusive resort for our Honeymoon in Tucson, Beautiful little cabins built in the twenties, beautiful ground and cabins.
I carry her through the door and help her disassemble this dress so she can pee and change clothes, I get nekkid and we are fifteen minutes in to our festivities and the Maid comes through the door and announces “Housekeeping!”
Being in a very compromising position that didn’t allow her to say much, my wife pulled the eject lever and covered her face with a pillow. The Maid slammed the door shut and beat a retreat.
I started laughing like a hyena. Like crazy laughing, snort laughing and having to go piss laughing.
Weeks later we were hiking and camping the Grand Canyon, with friends and as we settled in for the first night and cuddled together in our tent, I yelled out “House Keeping” and her friend in the next tent started laughing, in turn everyone laughed.
I got the elbow.
Just remember to start every session with the ground rule that you personally believe all psychiatrists are mentally damaged people who entered the field so that they could try and understand everything that is wrong with them and as a consequence all of their views and opinions are nothing more than the disturbed beliefs of a crazy person.
Answer 90% of questions with “I don’t know, you’re the crazy one…you tell me.”
Years ago I was receiving oral from a Polish college foreign exchange student. Unfortunately, she did not look like whatever you’re imagining. I was nearly blackout drunk and was not going to finish. I told her she could stop and we could go to sleep. She looked at me and with the heaviest Polish accent you can imagine said, “Oh no! I am not good blow jobber!”
I love that game, I remember playing it once with my wife and a group of friends, my wife is Filipino, one friend is a white dude from the midwest, another is a black dude, and an Armenian gal. Chuck, the black guy is the one asking the question, and the card he plays is White people love_____
the card I played was “the 3/5th compromise” Everyone’s reactions were priceless.
I have a twisted sense of humor that ussually comes out at the most inappropriate times! I nearly peed my pants at my best friends fathers funeral.
One of the most memorable was back in high school, 1997. I was a horny 16 year old, who had just gotten his first serious girlfriend. Only thing to do for date night in small Mid-west towns is fast food, and a movie. Being the Rico Suave that I was, we went to see the blockbuster romantic drama Titanic. The lights dim, the music starts I lean over to my girlfriend she gives me a peck on the cheek. Then I whisper in her ear, “I know how the movie ends” She enthusiastically replies, “Really? How?” “The ship sinks” I busted up laughing, she calls me an insensitive jerk, slaps me across the face, and grabs the popcorn and moves about 5 seats away. I watched the movie by myself, chuckling the whole time.
As a kid I would always laugh when I was getting in trouble. Not sure why. Nervous maybe. Anyway, it never turned out well. Just made the person angrier and my punishment worse.
And I generally laugh uncontrollably when one of my kids lets out a fart during mass. I just always hope people don’t think it was me.
