OIF ‘06-‘07 here, I also struggle with it, in particular the memory of seeing a young boy, maybe 8 years old, dead in his mother’s arms with an obviously fatal wound to the chest shrapnel or bullet I have no idea, but the way his lifeless body moved as she walked and the dried blood all over her clothes haunts me to this day.
I’ve shared many of my memories with my wife but not that one. I plan on sharing it with her this weekend when we have couples counseling. I fell into a bottle when I returned home from that deployment, and years later when things got bad again I knew I didn’t want to go down that path again and drove to the nearest vet center to talk with someone and it did help, I should have continued it but I stopped after two visits when the need to drown myself in scotch subsided.
So I have committed to getting back in touch with my brothers from the deployment, after all these years. I only stayed in touch with anyone for few years after we got back. It’s been both a painful and wonderful experience so far.
Painful because I realize than in hiding from my pain by avoiding contact, I was never there to help them on a bad day.
Wonderful because I don’t have to try to act normal and be OK all the time with them. No judgment because they know we all have, and try to deal with, our problems in different ways.
So to all the Vets, there is always someone to talk to who actually understands, find them and don’t ignore your feelings until they build up.