Your (son, daughter, wife, father, brother, etc) comes to you and needs help fleeing the police. The police aren’t necessarily right around the corner chasing him down on foot, but they’ve got a good description and they’re trying to find him. This isn’t a “scumbag” relative at all. We all have that outlier relative that’s always getting arrested. Not so in this case. This is a very close, very good person. Just imagine it being your wife or honor student daughter.
In a lapse of judgment, they’ve committed a felony. They saw an easy picking, shoved a banker out of the way, and stole $10,000 cash off a bank teller’s desk. The police are taking this very seriously and her description is on the local TV news. He/She does not want to turn himself into the police and refuses to speak to a lawyer. This person normally lives in your house.
What do you do?
For the record - this scenario no way involves anything going on in my life currently, and let’s try to stick to the scenario and not beat it up with “What if’s”
I changed it. But even this may not convey what I’m trying to get across which is that while they are not a “monster” (they didn’t gun down innocent children), it is not a petty crime (like stealing bubble gum). To some of you, that may not matter. To others, it does. That’s why I included it.
I told my sons they could come to me for help with anything but we will follow gospel doctrine. If one of my sons told me they snatched $10K from a bank, I would explain to him I would help him give the money back, turn himself in and stand with him during trial so long as he told the truth. I would also explain to him what he did goes against what they were taught and what our family stands for and he needs to make it right. If he didn’t do what was right, I would turn him in before things got worse.
In fact, I had this very conversation my my sons when they were young. I don’t know if it had any impact on them, but they made sure they stayed out of trouble
I’ve always encouraged my daughters, now adults, to face the music and deal with consequences when they realize their mistakes or lapses of judgement. I expect the same of myself and any relative. So far they are more straight arrow than me! If a cousin or anyone close came to me under these circumstances I would help them get an attorney and provide any support such as encouragement, counseling, or communications with other family and squaring away their home life.
Not only is running morally wrong it will just dig the hole deeper legally.
If we were in a declared insurrection against a Marxist tyrant, then maybe…
It’s irrelevant whether it’s a paperwork crime or murder. We can’t sit on our high horses bitching about personal responsibility or a severe lack there of and then become total hypocrites when it’s our turn to face the music. We either believe what we say and act accordingly or not.
I’d do the best I could to insure they have a good defense lawyer and that justice is being served. The only exception to this would be in case they knowingly did something horrible (murder, rape that sort of thing). In that case I’d cut them loose and made sure justice was served.
If the law they violated is just, I would take them as far as the closest police station and provide witness against them (unless barred by spousal privilege).
If the law they violated is unjust, then I would neither actively protect them but neither would I seek to see them brought to justice. If caught, I would do everything within my power that is moral and legal to see that they are acquitted of the crime or that the public is made fully aware of the unjustness of the law violated.
If anyone I knew had a ‘lapse’ like that, they have lost touch with being a decent and honorable human being. I’d give them a chance to immediately turn themselves in and face the consequences of their actions like an adult, or I’d call the cops myself. That would be the extent of my assistance.
Same here. The most you could do for them is set them up with a good criminal defense attorney and let him/her turn them over to the police. After a lifetime of standing on the right side of the law I refuse to allow anyone to compromise my integrity… besides, harboring a fugitive is a crime.
You committed a crime, you gotta pay up. You robbed a bank and come to me for help, doesn’t matter who you are. I’ll give you two choices:
You leave, don’t tell me where you’re going, and I’ll be able to honestly tell the police that I don’t know where you are.
You stay, and I’ll help you turn yourself in.
You refuse to leave and try to force me to help you, you’re no longer family at that moment. You have betrayed our family and I will use whatever appropriate force to protect myself and the rest of us.