So the latest episode of the “renters next door” is that they LOVE to sit on the front porch, smoke and talk as loudly as possible. Sometimes they do this long after everyone else has decided to shut the fuck up and go inside. But not having to get up to go to work leaves one lots of free time to be a nuisance to everyone else.
Now far be it from me to tell somebody they can’t smoke on their property and I wouldn’t dream of it. And I’ve asked them to use their “people are trying to sleep” voices after dark with little or no effect. And I normally wouldn’t even care that they are trying to give themselves cancer except the wind patterns typically carry their smoke to my backyard where I have to deal with it.
Having dealt with this problem with previous neighbors I know there is no effective barricade to smoke and it simply goes where it goes. So my choice is to choke on their shitty smelling cigarettes or not enjoy working out in the backyard or soaking in my hottub, etc. Same goes for the noise pretty much.
So I decided the other day that I’m gonna start smoking.
Grabbed my patio fireplace and set it up in my driveway, where the wind will carry the smoke directly to their porch. And next door was a full house with full seating capacity of people all smoking and talking loud (actually yelling despite being a foot and a half away from each other). Grabbed a sack full of newspaper and got it started and added handfulls of scrap particle board from my scrap wood bin. Particle board tends to smell the worse when burning.
Went back inside and looked out the side window and it looked like they had a disco fog machine on the front porch. Within minutes they were all back indoors. Problem solved.
But not long after sundown they were back on the porch and back at it. No problem, I have LOTS of newspaper and particle board scraps. Within minutes I had another roaring fire and I was seemingly as oblivious to their discomfort as they are to mine. Despite many loud complaints from the porch “Damn, I can’t breath” and “Man, my eyes are burning” I simply finished disposing of my scrap wood.
The problem soon solved itself.
Repeat for the next day or so and they seemed to arrive at a realization.
Perhaps they are bothering me as much as my patio fireplace bothers them. And when they are using normal people’s voices and not smoking out my backyard I don’t seem to be compelled to burn scrap wood.
Glad they caught on so quickly after only a few days. I really didn’t want to load the fire with dogshit.
Mmmmm… NOW I know how to get rid of the neighbor’s doper kids, next time the parents are out of town and leave them behind. I’ve got an old tire I could cut up to throw on the coals!
I would have liked to have heard about what happened next when you took the situation to “dogshit” level.
You were way too kind, a call to the cops would have worked as well, just not so “tactful”.
The same idiots. To make matters worse they actually have a second dog now after getting rid of the one I saved.
I actually went that route to see if it would work, they didn’t learn and I hate to call the cops over and over for the same shit, especially when it isn’t getting resolved.
Why would I do that to my “other” neighbors who aren’t being a problem?
Bravo sir. I know how disappointed you are in not being able to take this to dog shit level. If you need to do it again might I suggest some Spanish moss and wet wood.
Real world doesn’t work that way and not everyone will even be aware of the original problem, thus making me their problem.
Furthermore the mantra is “Never harm the innocent, never overlook the guilty.”
I can’t count the number of times I had a “fuck you in return” opportunity against a given shithead but had to wave off because it might impact somebody who had nothing to do with it.
