Is there any way to crimp primer pockets short of commerical production?
I doubt it.
You would need a press of some sort to ring crimp. I would guess the stab-crimp type might be doable for the handloader, but I have no idea how you would go about it.
Why is it you feel you need to crimp the primers?
There’s no need for it. The crimp seems useless to me anyway. Primers pop out of ammo with crimps all the time… usually from guys shooting sketchy ammo like Q3131 in .223 chambers.