Brother in Law is SF. Having a problem

General General Discussion
1

So my future Brother in Law is in the Army. He joined out of high school in 2000. He was in Special Forces and served in Iraq and Afghanistan for a number of years. At some point over the past few years he has changed units and now is involved in communications in some way.

When he was home a few weeks ago he gave me a hat from current his unit. When he gave it to me just says “Here you go” and explained what the symbolism of the insignia meant. I usually wear some type of Larue or BCM hat or something similar in looks to it. He knows I’m a gun guy and we’ve shot together numerous times. My fiance told me he’s never done anything like that before with any guy that she was dating.

I feel honored that he would give me something so personal but I’m torn on what to do with it. My fiance wants me to wear it. She’s saying he wouldn’t give it to you if he didn’t want you to have it. My question was what to say if someone recognizes it or makes a remark like thanks for your service. What am I gonna say? “Um actually my brother in law served and it’s HIS hat…”

I just feel that it is disrespectful to my brother in law to just put it in a box or something but I also feel like it’s a borderline stolen valor thing. Am I over thinking this? What should I do with it?

2

To me, gift or no gift, I wouldnt be wearing that hat in public. That hat carries 18 tons of weight that is earned.

3

Personally I’d stick it in a nice spot on a shelf in my gun room. To each his own.

4

I would hang it on my biggest set of deer antlers out of respect for the man.

I would not hide it in a box or wear it any where, not even in my house alone, for the reason Sadmin pointed out.

5

It’s a simple thing.

Somebody asks “Are you really special forces?”

You answer, no but my BIL is and he gave it to me and I think it’s cool.

Just as he earned the “right” to wear it, he earned the “right” to give it to you.

Now if you answer “Yes, I was agent orange” or something along those lines, THEN you have done something wrong. It’s not like you can’t buy green berets and SF flashes all over the internet anyway.

When I was a kid, one of my Dads friends gave me an actual green beret of his. He was in VN but I don’t think he became SF until after the war. It was of course not the only one he had, but he didn’t have any kids and seemed happy to give it to a 12 year old who appreciated what it was.

6

agreed

7

Its just a hat it isnt a tab. He gave it to you with the idea you would wear it. If anyone ask just holler out with pride that your bother in law serves in 7th group and he gave it to you. There is nothing wrong with that at all. 99% of he people you are going to see are not going to even know what it means and the other 1% arnt going to care only a dick would make an issue out of the fact that you had on a hat that supports a military unit your family is a part of.

8

Your BIL gave the hat to you. Obviously, as a currently serving SF member, if he felt it would be inappropriate for you to wear the hat, why on earth would he have given it to you?

Wear the hat. I would. If asked about the hat, simply respond that your BIL, a currently serving SF member, gave it to you. End of story.

9

I have to agree with Steyr on this. If you have earned enough respect of a military family member or friend for them to give you something like this, I think you should be able wear it. Of course you must tell the truth about it when asked or else you deserve a swift kick in the nuts.

10

you’re showing the respect by wearing it. I guarantee that if your BIL thought you were a douche he would never have give it to you. Wear it proudly he put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into earning his place among a very elite group!

11

Wear it.

You are not SF and have no issue saying so there is no “problem.”

If someone says anything, like SteyrAUG stated, just tell them.

We wear the colors of those who we respect. Some wear the flag, some wear police logos, others military logos.

12

I feel I should begin by saying that I am not now, nor have I ever served in the military. I see why people say they wouldn’t wear it as you wouldn’t want to appear disrespectful. However, if a serving family member gave me that hat then I think I would wear it to show my support for the military in general and for that family member specifically. I would never try to take any credit as a serviceman if I was asked about it.

13

I wouldn’t wear it out in public just because of potential awkward moments. Maybe display it somewhere nice and wear it at family gatherings where people will understand what the deal is.

14

He gave it to you out of friendship, to wear. It’s not a shrine. Wear it, enjoy it, and give credit to the man when it comes up in conversation.

15

Find a nice place to hang it or put it on display.

16

Be aware any logo-ism will polarize people. And plenty of persons have chips on their shoulders. In and out of uniform.

99% of the males I see with SEAL Team logo crap are poseurs. Mom’s, Dad’s, wives, GF’s, kids excepted… but I rarely see that.

We have no way of knowing where, when, why you would wear it, or the people you would interact with. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t.

17

I know how you feel. I have a friend and neighbor who is a WW II 101st vet who gave me screaming eagle stickers for my truck. I just cant put them on because I didn’t serve and earn that right. He keeps asking me to put them on, and doesn’t understand why I wont.

18

It’s a mixed bag. The story is simple. Your Brother in Law is in the Special Forces and he gave you the hat to wear. The reality is you will encounter people who still will give you grief about it if you were not a member of that organization. It’s the same as anything. For some people, it’s a really big issue. For others it’s not. It all depends on the individual.

I’ve seen it work both ways. When I attended a LAV class, one of the attendees was wearing a SEAL hat that he said had been given to him by a SEAL. He was harassed by some of the guys in the class but most people left him alone. The next day he was wearing a different hat. The guy wasn’t the most popular guy in class for other reasons but it can play out like that.

I’ve also known a lot of people who hand out pins, patches, caps, shirts, etc. from their unit, organization, or branch of service with the full expectation that the recipient will wear it. They’re very proud of their group. Their attitude is “I gave it to you to wear. Who cares what some moron thinks?” To them, it’s just a hat, shirt, or whatever and they should be able to give them to family and friends to wear.

Personally speaking, if you’re straight on it and say it’s a gift from someone who earned it (friend or family member) that should end the conversation. If you’re running around pretending to be whatever, that’s when you’re going to have real problems and you deserve those.

19

i wouldn’t wear it because i wouldn’t want to lose it.

20

I would not wear it.

I remember a long, long time ago when I showed up as a freshman in college and was wearing an 82nd ABN t-shirt that I bought at FT. Bragg on my drive up to NY.

It was a touristy type T-shirt, and I certainly never claimed to have been in the 82nd Abn.

I met some ROTC cadets informally before the semester started and was told in no uncertain terms that it was inappropriate to wear things that referenced units or things like an Airborn belt buckle if you were not ABN qualified. I am not talking about doing so in uniform or classes. I was told not at all.

Perhaps this applied to me specifically because I was affiliated with ROTC, but my impression is that if you wear something associated with any type of elite unit, in a sense you are conveying the unsppoken impression that you are somehow associated with said unit, even if that is not your intention.