Any lawyers or estate gurus in the house?

General
1

I’ll keep this as short as possible. One of my best friends is in his early 70’s. His wife is his age. They have been married 30+ years. She has children from a previous marriage, he has none. She is a money-grubbing bitch; she has “embezzled” close to $300K from my buddy over the years in hidden accounts, none of them with his name on it. If she was the CEO of a corporation she would’ve been charged criminally.

How did she do it? Here a few examples: They own two houses, and rented one of them for a while. The renters always paid her in cash, and it disappeared. She tells him she needs $5K a month to pay bills (he doesn’t want to be bothered with it), but they own everything and have nothing but recurring monthly bills like electric, water, TV, groceries, insurance, etc. So she’s squirreling away a couple grand a month. She sells stuff on Ebay that she has bought with “their” credit card, pays the CC bill out of monthly bill funds, and pockets it (like she’ll buy $200 worth of stuff, sell it on Ebay, pay of the CC with his check, but that $200 disappears….nice scam) Partially my buddy’s fault for not putting his foot down obviously.

The clincher is that she has never worked since they got married. She gets a couple hundred from her ex-husband’s retirement and a small SS check (since she hasn’t worked in years). That money is never deposited into their joint account. It disappears like everything else. So she basically contributes nothing financially. Zip, zilch, nada. He, on the other hand, gets a retired SgtMaj pay, 100% VA, and SS, all deposited into their joint account. So my buddy is the only person contributing financially.

Alright, there’s the facts as I know them, now comes the legal estate question. She has 3 adult children. My buddy tells me that she went and got a will made up—which he was never allowed to see—and sent it to her daughter in TX. Ostensibly it leaves all kind of $$$ to her kids, mandates he sell one of the houses and split it 3 ways with her kids, and basically says “FU” to my buddy. Obviously this is if she dies first. Does this document have any weight? Can she do that?

Proving she embezzled money over the years (with a pittance of an income) will be hard legally. Now he can show where there were no monthly deposits to their joint account made in her name, and that all bills were paid from that account. He could also (I assume) have an attorney run her SS# and find those hidden accounts, putting it all on the table if her kids wanna play hardball.

Can the bitch really get away with dictating to a surviving spouse (who paid everything BTW) that he must sell XXX and give it to her kids?

P.S.—guaranteed the reason he hasn’t seen the will is because it’s a fvck job on him. I’m just amazed an attorney went along with it.

2

He needs an elder-law and estate attorney, a paid one, STAT.

And he needs to document every picayune little thing, every movement of money, that he can. Cases like this Receipts Talk BS Walks. It’s not what you know, only what you can PROVE with evidence that counts.

Also, start separating whatever he can of premarital assets into accounts solely under his control. Designate third-party beneficiaries or trustees, name attorney as executor, etc.

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3

Oh I agree 100% and have told him as much. I was just wondering how the fvck she could dictate he do this and do that for her precious fvcking children at his expense. Just doesn’t make sense.

This is in TN as I’m sure state law matters. I’ll assume that if an attorney drew it up that it might be plausible. That’s kinda scary.

4

I would also advise he get a cognitive assessment, once he has counsel. Common trick to find a quack who’ll say anything for a buck and try to have them declared incompetent to get control of the assets.

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5

Fair enough, but wouldn’t he have had to undergo some kind of exam in order for her to connive that finding without his knowledge? Like she can’t unilaterally “declare” him incompetent, nor could a physician who’s never seen him (right?).

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6

In theory there’d need to be a physical exam. In practice docs have lied about doing the exam and just submitted the paper before. The game is get ahead of it, start thinking “if I was a shitbag shyster what would I try” and preempt.

If he won’t get an attorney and a forensic accountant (who the attorney should be able to find) there’s not much else you can do for him.

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7

And this is why I appreciate that my Wife’s Hobbies include Vegtable Gardening and raising
Chi-Wienne Dogs.
Machiavellian plots for money are totally out of her Wheel House.
My greatest actual concern is that I have no idea how She will take care of herself when I pass. That’s a burden best left to our Son’s and a Will.

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8

It’s a marriage, not a business arrangement, and he’s allowing her to do all of this, so tacit permission. If he wants to do something, he needs to do it. You can explain it to him, but really after that, it’s on him.

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9

This is the truth. Your buddy has literally allowed it for decades at this point. I doubt he’s going to suddenly grow a spine no matter how much you encourage him. Don’t allow him to complain but do nothing. In other words, don’t let him treat you as an emotional door mat. If he complains about her behavior, tell him it’s his fault for being lazy and allowing it.

No, this can’t happen unless she forges his signature and he’s not alive to contest it. Unless they have wills or specific accounts that have different designated beneficiaries, this is a last one standing situation. The first to die results in the other getting everything. If he dies first, his assets go to her. When she dies, they then go to her children.

10

In the situation described, it seems unlikely that the wife is using a will instead of POD. If the wife actually used a will then that goes through probate and is far easier to challenge.

A wife with assets in her name can legally name a beneficiary(s) as payable on death. Even though the husband is not named as POD, depending on circumstances the husband may challenge the POD for a portion of the assets in Tennessee but it would of course require a lawyer and quick action. POD supersedes conflicting instructions in a will and bypasses probate.

As far as the wife making a will with instructions that apply to assets in the husband’s name… that would never survive probate while the husband is above dirt.

Wife and I had separate careers. We both have 401k and Roth accounts in our names which are payable on death to each other, as well as secondary beneficiaries in the event both of us are dead. Our home titles and other assets are in both our names/joint accounts. Ultimately, it all goes to the kids.

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11

Yeah, some guys forfeit everything just to git rid of the bitch.

Choose wisely and hope for the best. Things can turn to shit quickly.

12

Well if a Fella wanted to do something about it, the time to start was yesterday.
If there’s that much money at stake and he has no Kin, he can do with his money it as he pleases and part of that is if being with her doesn’t please him She needs to go.
I will say if you’re at the far end of the race and you’re living with a Bitch who is making your Life Hell, you are doing it wrong. You can’t go back in time, only forward so fixing it now is the only way to handle it.
But too each their own, maybe he’s happy being cuckhold.

13

Well she has cancer that is currently in remission so that is why he claims he won’t dump her. I did tell him though that if it ever comes back (and the type of cancer it is usually does…eventually) to watch his shit even closer because the grubbing will shift into high[er] gear. He is not allowed to go to her oncology appointments so makes you wonder.

He’s been married like 4 times so at his age I don’t think he wants the hassle of a divorce. Plus she would make an Oscar-winning appearance in court for sympathy!

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14

Well, you can always push her down the stairs.
I’ve been married more times than I would like to admit and anyone who thinks they can change someone needs to reevaluate reality.
If She’s greedy now, you are right, She will empty the accounts for her Children before She dies.

I was joking about pushing her down the steps and it’s a Joke because your Friedn has something to live for.
But say She get’s her cancer back and it’s bad, what’s to stop her from Pushing Him Down the Steps? She gets nothing , but in this case her Kids get everything after their Mom murdered him. See what I mean?

15

Married 4 times?

Well this guy sounds like he is incapable of making responsible decisions about anything, and he clearly doesn’t learn from mistakes of follow good advice.

Enjoy his friendship but stop investing your time and efforts “helping” him with this one. He has a proven history of enjoying the process of giving half his shit to gold digging whores for a few years of pussy. I know some guys like this, their brains don’t work and they can’t be helped.

16

Yeah, and one of them to the same woman twice! I always get a “Fvck you” when I point that out and remind him “What is the definition of insanity?” :rofl:

Oh he’s pretty responsible when you exclude marriages. He has, over time, made an account or two for himself without her name on it, but to me that is reacting instead of acting to shut her down.

Regarding his previous mistakes, he is of the opinion that “I didn’t care about the money, I just wanted out”. That’s fine and all, but at this point in his life being taken to the cleaners might not be a good idea!

A number of years ago he was giving some guy relationship advice at the gun shop. I couldn’t hold my tongue. “You are giving people advice on relationships?” I couldn’t keep a straight face and started laughing, actually more like a hearty guffaw. He looked at me and said “I oughta stab you in the eye with a screwdriver motherfvcker!” :rofl: [to be expected from a crusty retired SF SgtMaj]

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Honestly Marriage isn’t conducive to a Military Career, it never or rarely seems to work for enlisted Guys.

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18

Well there’s a good argument to be made that lower enlisted and company grade officers should be prohibited from getting married at all, and that any additional dependents during the first 4 years of service should result in disciplinary action.

Since that isn’t going to happen maybe officers should be graded on troop/Marine/sailor/airman welfare in their fit-rep with a metric of divorce rates of enlisted personnel under their command. Also add in reenlistment rates.

If your subordinates families are falling apart and your subordinates have no desire to stay in then you probably suck some major dick as a leader and don’t need to be promoted.

Apply that to staff NCO’s as well.

In addition any Sgt. Maj caught wasting his or her time yelling at people for being on the grass, having hands in pockets, or other silly petty bullshit is clearly not suited to leadership of any kind and is also clearly filling a billet that does nothing. They shall be force retired on the spot, and their position removed from the command they fall under so no one backfills that stupid slot.

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19

Sounds like someone who simply wanted to gripe about things, not take action to correct. Pretty common exercise.

20

In this instance he might consider using the pimp hand to correct…